“飯搭子離職了，比我自己離職還難過。”“我可以單身，但不能沒有搭子”

近日，“搭子”逐漸成為一種在年輕人中盛行的新的社交方式。搭子的業(yè)務(wù)領(lǐng)域十分廣泛，吃飯有飯搭子，學(xué)習(xí)有學(xué)習(xí)搭子，游戲有游戲搭子……“搭子”種類繁多，只有你想不到的，沒有“搭子”做不到的。

所謂“搭子”，主要是指因某一興趣愛好或需求結(jié)成的社交關(guān)系。這種社交模式的特點(diǎn)是雖然不是朋友關(guān)系，卻能在細(xì)分領(lǐng)域提供精準(zhǔn)陪伴，是親密關(guān)系的一種“平替”。搭子們的存在既滿足了特定領(lǐng)域的社交需求，但又不需要過度維系，彼此在情感上保持獨(dú)立。

causal relationship

這種關(guān)系類似于英文中的causal relationship：

#What is a casual friendship?

A casual friendship is when meeting someone with a common interest, you feel like you are on the same page and like spending time with them, but it doesn’t go deeper than that, and you don’t talk too much about your personal life with them.

They are generally only formed for a certain purpose, instead of being a multi-layered emotional relationship’s part. 

這種友誼是當(dāng)遇到有共同興趣的人時(shí)，你覺得你們?cè)谕粋€(gè)頻道上，喜歡與他們共度時(shí)光。但通常這種友誼不會(huì)太過深入，并不會(huì)談?wù)撎鄠€(gè)人生活的內(nèi)容。人們通常為了一個(gè)目的而形成友誼，而不是為了多層次情感關(guān)系。

#casual friends

A casual friend is a friend you like hanging out with once in a while to check up with what’s new in your and theirs’ life but not too often. It is not like an acquaintance since with most of our acquaintances, we meet only accidentally or by circumstances, while with casual friends, we make an effort to hang out with them once in a while, every couple of months or so.

You can say that casual friendship is a surface-level friendship.

They are characterized by:

Infrequent interactions. Your weak connections are usually casual acquaintances. They’re nice to have around but don’t play as central of a role in your everyday life.

A singular purpose. A weak connection only plays a single role. In your professional life, this role is usually business-related. For example, a corporate client or your coworker in the next cubicle each serves one function.

casual friend是偶爾出去玩的朋友，偶爾聯(lián)系交流但不能太過頻繁。這種關(guān)系并不是點(diǎn)頭之交，點(diǎn)頭之交只不過是偶然遇見。而casual friend還會(huì)經(jīng)常一起出去。但這種友情是一種表層的、淺淺的關(guān)系。

他們的特點(diǎn)是：

互動(dòng)不頻繁。兩個(gè)人之間是一種比較弱的關(guān)系，他們友好地會(huì)出現(xiàn)在你身邊，但通常不會(huì)在你生活中扮演重要的角色。

單一的目的。兩個(gè)人之間的連接關(guān)系比較弱。在職業(yè)生活中，這個(gè)角色通常與業(yè)務(wù)商業(yè)有關(guān)，了例如隔壁公司的公司客戶或您的同事各自負(fù)責(zé)一項(xiàng)職能。

那相較之下，什么是親密的友誼呢？

#What is a close friendship?

A close friendship is the type of friendship that we have with most people we care about.

A close friend is a friend you want to see quite often, and you would not hesitate to call them if you need something. But when it comes to casual friends, you will most likely think that you don’t want to bother them to help you, only if it is something very specific and you know they are good at.

親密的友誼是大多數(shù)人們關(guān)心的友誼。密友會(huì)經(jīng)常見面，如果有需要會(huì)毫不猶豫地給他們打電話。但是當(dāng)談到casual friend時(shí)，通常在需要幫助和情感支持的時(shí)候，你并不會(huì)想到打擾他們。

友誼之間的區(qū)別是什么呢？

#Differences between close and casual friends

1. How often do you hang out with them

The biggest difference between all the friendship levels is how often you want to hang out with them. Of course, the circumstances can impact this, but usually, you will hang out more often with a close friend than a casual one.

Excluding work colleagues that you might consider casual friends because, in this case, you hang out with them quite often, but you might not consider them close friends.

1. 出去玩的頻率

所有友誼級(jí)別之間最大的區(qū)別是你想和他們出去玩的頻率。當(dāng)然，環(huán)境會(huì)對(duì)此產(chǎn)生影響，但通常情況下，你會(huì)更頻繁地與親密朋友一起出去玩，而不是與casual friend一起出去玩。除了被認(rèn)為是casual friend的普通工作同事，你們經(jīng)常出去玩，但你們并非親密朋友。

2. Talking much more personal

When it comes to close friends, you will feel like they care about your life, and you can open up with them easier than with casual friends and harder than with intimate friends.

So talking about what is really important for you, like your goals or your relationship with other people, and so doesn’t often happen with casual friends.

2. 談話的私密性

說到親密的朋友，你會(huì)覺得他們很在乎你的生活，和他們敞開心扉比causal friend容易。

所以談?wù)搶?duì)你來說真正重要的事情，比如你未來規(guī)劃、目標(biāo)、人際關(guān)系等，這種情況通常不會(huì)發(fā)生在causal friend身上。

3. Who do you call when you need help

As I said before, when you need help with moving the furniture, repairing something, or things along this line, you will first call your family and best friends(intimate friends), then you will call your close friends if those are not available. 

Most of the time, casual friends will not come to your mind when you need help unless they are the last resource you have, and even then, you might want to wait until some of your closest friends are available.

3.需要幫助時(shí)的求助對(duì)象

當(dāng)你需要幫助搬家、修理東西或類似的事情時(shí)，你會(huì)先打電話給你的家人和最好的朋友，如果他們不在，你會(huì)打電話給你的親密朋友。

大多數(shù)時(shí)候，當(dāng)你需要幫助時(shí)，你不會(huì)想到causal friend，除非其他人都沒有空，他們會(huì)是最后選擇。即便如此，你可能還是想等到一些最親密的朋友有空再說。

4. You would invite them to a party you organize

When you organize a party, be it a birthday, Halloween, Christmas party, or another type of party, you would not hesitate to invite your close friends, but we don’t usually invite casual friends to our parties.

So this is a good indication of what type of friends you are, you can see who invites you to their party and who you would invite to your parties.

4. 你會(huì)邀請(qǐng)他們參加你組織的派對(duì)

當(dāng)你組織派對(duì)時(shí)，無論是生日派對(duì)、萬圣節(jié)派對(duì)、圣誕派對(duì)還是其他類型的派對(duì)，你都會(huì)毫不猶豫地邀請(qǐng)你的好朋友，但我們通常不會(huì)邀請(qǐng)普通朋友causal friend參加我們的派對(duì)。

所以這很好地表明了你是什么類型的朋友，你可以看到誰邀請(qǐng)你參加他們的聚會(huì)，以及你會(huì)邀請(qǐng)誰參加你的聚會(huì)。

The Surprising Power of 

Weak Ties

這種causal relationship被認(rèn)為是一種比較弱的關(guān)系weak tie。弱關(guān)系理論是社會(huì)學(xué)中的一個(gè)概念，是由馬克·格蘭諾維特 (Mark Granovetter) 在 1973 年的論文“弱關(guān)系的力量”中首次介紹使用的。他指出弱關(guān)系在提供新信息和機(jī)會(huì)方面更有價(jià)值。

A growing body of research suggests that there are surprisingly powerful benefits to connecting with casual acquaintances — relationships that sociologists call “weak ties.”

To be sure, our friends and family — our strong ties — support us when we’re feeling down and make us feel appreciated. But weak ties can do these things too: It’s not just in the movies that people get social support from their hairdresser. We feel seen when a server smiles upon seeing us and knows what our “usual” is. In fact, our interactions with weak ties tend to go especially smoothly, since we are often on our best behavior with people we don’t know well. Weak-tie relationships give us short, low-cost, informal interactions, which often provide new information and social variety. As a result, we are often pleasantly surprised by these moments.

越來越多的研究表明，與偶然相識(shí)的人建立聯(lián)系有著驚人的強(qiáng)大好處——社會(huì)學(xué)家稱之為“弱關(guān)系”的關(guān)系。

可以肯定的是，我們的朋友和家人——我們的牢固紐帶——在我們情緒低落時(shí)支持我們，讓我們感到被欣賞。但弱關(guān)系也可以做這些事情。事實(shí)上，我們與弱關(guān)系的互動(dòng)往往進(jìn)行得特別順利，因?yàn)槲覀兘?jīng)常在與我們不熟悉的人相處時(shí)表現(xiàn)得最好。弱關(guān)系為我們提供了短期、低成本、非正式的互動(dòng)，這通常會(huì)提供新的信息和社會(huì)多樣性。因此，我們常常對(duì)這些時(shí)刻感到驚喜。

Parenting can seem like an endless grind of drop-off, pick up, play date, soccer game, repeat. Your life can feel limited – and, well, it kind of is – but that’s also the advantage. You go to the same places and see the same people on the same schedule, the essential ingredients for casual friendships, Fessler says.

That’s upside number one. The next is that these relationships require no investment or responsibility. There are no plans to make so there are never broken plans. They just happen, and when you run into someone, conversations stay light. “It’s a relief,” says Grief, as what you’re discussing in these circumstances is often a nice distraction from what you’re normally dealing with.

然而，強(qiáng)關(guān)系，例如為人父母似乎是無休止的磨合，并且不斷反復(fù)，你的生活可能會(huì)感到受限。費(fèi)斯勒說，你會(huì)在同樣的時(shí)間去同樣的地方，見到同樣的人，這是建立casual friendship的基本要素，也是這種友誼的優(yōu)勢(shì)所在。

其次是這些關(guān)系不需要投資或責(zé)任。沒有要制定的計(jì)劃，所以永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)有失敗的計(jì)劃。它們只是發(fā)生了，當(dāng)你遇到某人時(shí)，談話會(huì)保持輕松。“這是一種解脫，”Grief 說，因?yàn)樵谶@種情況下，你所討論的內(nèi)容通常可以很好地分散你通常處理的事情的注意力。

Atomist

“搭子”關(guān)系背后是個(gè)體的原子化，個(gè)人之間聯(lián)系的弱化和疏離。漢娜·阿倫特認(rèn)為，現(xiàn)代社會(huì)中的人是“原子化的個(gè)體”，他們是孤獨(dú)的、埋頭于物質(zhì)享受的、完全“私人化”的，且個(gè)體之間沒有強(qiáng)有力的聯(lián)系。私有制和精細(xì)化分工讓共同體轉(zhuǎn)向了個(gè)體發(fā)展，同時(shí)虛擬社交和網(wǎng)絡(luò)強(qiáng)化了個(gè)體自我，讓人們對(duì)身邊附近的實(shí)體性失去了關(guān)注。個(gè)體變成了原子化、純粹自我的個(gè)人，他們不希望占用太多時(shí)間來維系關(guān)系，他們之間邊界感強(qiáng)，默契地在一起做事情，然后默契地消失。

但他們又需要一定的情感維系來緩解原子化帶來的孤獨(dú)感，滿足彼此在需要時(shí)彼此陪伴的需求，通過搭子關(guān)系獲得現(xiàn)實(shí)世界的融入感和認(rèn)同感，“搭子”情誼構(gòu)成了這樣一種門檻低卻不失溫度的“實(shí)用性”情誼。

#原子化社會(huì)是什么？

Weissman’s A Social Ontology which provides both a theoretical background and a good exposition of the implications:

Individualist – atomist – theories emphasize the self-sufficiency and moral autonomy of persons. They speak of freedoms, rights and exceptions; rarely or never of reciprocities, duties and connections. Individualism dominates our self perception. It encourages us to deny the ligaments and nerves of our social lives. Perceiving every society as an aggregate, it assaults or diminishes the systems – including families, schools, businesses, and states – where personal identity, security and satisfaction are achieved. Every such system is, in atomist eyes, no less an aggregate than the passengers in a bus.

個(gè)人主義，即原子主義理論強(qiáng)調(diào)人的自給自足和道德自主。他們談?wù)撟杂伞?quán)利和例外；很少或從來沒有互惠、義務(wù)和聯(lián)系。個(gè)人主義支配著我們的自我認(rèn)知。它鼓勵(lì)我們否認(rèn)我們社交生活延申等。它將每個(gè)社會(huì)視為一個(gè)整體，它攻擊或削弱了實(shí)現(xiàn)個(gè)人身份、安全和滿足感的系統(tǒng)。在原子論者看來，每一個(gè)這樣的系統(tǒng)都和公共汽車上的乘客一樣是一個(gè)集合體。